@wornwhite

I imagine scenarios in my head quite often. It’s something I’ve done my whole life, but it has gotten worse in the last few years since I began living alone. A few of my friends would call it obsessing, and they would be right. The other day when I was running I tried to come up with a list of things I’ve been imagining lately.

My next step is to act on some of these things. Or just feel them and know that is ok.

• I imagine an Austin where I walked barefoot outside at midnight to throw away my trash only 23 days ago.
• I imagine if she were alive. Would I know to call her and try to hang out with her?
• I imagine how the murder rate in Austin last year was 27, and how could the chances of this line up to affect such a person?
• I imagine an Austin where it isn’t uncomfortable to see certain people. That when we saw each other, it was like we’d never met. We wouldn’t reconcile, we would just co-exist without the hate.
• I imagine what it would be like if I were thinner/more in shape again. If I could muster the self control to make that happen.
• I imagine not being a teacher, and how that is scary.
• I imagine traveling to other countries.
• I imagine not being broke at the end of every month.
• I imagine running a flat marathon and not being in agonizing pain.
• I imagine living in a city with all of my favorite people. And everyone had the best job that they wanted. And everyone had time for each and every person. And we all loved each other and had a blast. Oh and my family lived in that city, too so I would never miss them.
• I imagine being home with my mom and dad, so I have arms to curl up in and just cry for hours. Because I refuse to let myself do that, even though I need to.